I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
