dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
