I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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