Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Randomize
