Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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