From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
