I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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