So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
