Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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