onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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