I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
