marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's the barista slut.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You ruined the universe
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