had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
