I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
