So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
