I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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