Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
