What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
