loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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