Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
