Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
