So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
