between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
