i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
