i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
