my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
