Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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