A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
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What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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