I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i have herpe
just one?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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