I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
True strength comes from lack of pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
