tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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