I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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