Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
