can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
