remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
