I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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