I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
