this just has baby written all over it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just want nice things and good sex
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
