You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
