Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
