Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
