If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
