I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
