her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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