i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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