were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
