i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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