I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
