I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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