I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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