he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
