How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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