I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
