Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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