i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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