I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
