You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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