i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bring money and cleavage
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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