Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
