watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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