oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
