we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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