Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
