I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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