I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
