you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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