Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
There r osticjed everywhere
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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