I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
