woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
