I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
